Are you shitting me

"Logansteno: Bought a VW?" (logansteno)
10/05/2014 at 22:58 • Filed to: Just Safari Things

A Chevy Spark, with 84 horsepower, gets to 60 a full second quicker than the Safari does.

11.2 vs 12.3.

It doesn't specify if that's an automatic or manual model on the website where I'm getting data, but that's ridiculous.

I would lose in a drag race to a car with EIGHTY-FOUR HORSEPOWER.

Excuse me while I go hide in shame.

DISCUSSION (37)

Sweet Trav > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 22:59

Yeah, have you ever tried to get busy in the back of spark?

You got plenty of room to get that safari a-rockin'

ly2v8-Brian > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:00

Dude you have a body on frame van with no gofast goodies. You're lucky you accelerate quicker than the marginally larger Nimitz class carrier.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:00

I get incredibly pissed at what cars are quicker to 60 than mine.

Fucking Accord.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:00

Power to wieght ratio, yo.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:01

Utility has its price

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Sweet Trav
10/05/2014 at 23:02

It might be possible with the back seat folded...

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > ly2v8-Brian
10/05/2014 at 23:02

But big engine!

And actually, somehow, it's unibody.

Sweet Trav > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:02

yeah but you cant get your swerve on back there.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
10/05/2014 at 23:03

I could probably beat myself on a bike at this point.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/05/2014 at 23:05

Yeah, yeah.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/05/2014 at 23:05

Screw utility!

I only ever use three seats in the damn thing anyway.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:07

Sounds like you need a base-cab with a bench seat and a longbed truck! Maybe flames on the fenders to increase speed so you beat that zippy Sonic I read about recently

Big Bubba Ray > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:10

I'm more surprised by the fact that the Spark has only 84 horsepower.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Big Bubba Ray
10/05/2014 at 23:11

Yup! 1.2L 4-pot with 84 horsepower and 83 ft-lbs of torque.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/05/2014 at 23:11

Besides the flames, I'd totally take something like that.

ly2v8-Brian > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:13

Well it does have like the front half of a S10 for subframe, so sorta?

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > ly2v8-Brian
10/05/2014 at 23:16

Front subframe with suspension from the B-Body wagons.

So it's like half unibody.

ly2v8-Brian > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:20

Regardless, the point remains the same as originally stated.

Jayhawk Jake > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
10/05/2014 at 23:35

With the downpipe I might actually be under 7 seconds...

1.4 liters of GLORY

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:36

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is, you're faster than a Smart car.

The bad news is, if someone wants to outrun you in a Mercedes, all they have to do is buy a diesel Sprinter van. Which frankly, surprised even me.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
10/05/2014 at 23:41

At least it'll beat something.

Apparently when new, the Safari/Astro could do a 0-60 run in a touch over 9 seconds. Goes to show just how much mine's down on power.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jayhawk Jake
10/05/2014 at 23:43

god dammit.

shop-teacher > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:47

Besides the weight advantage, the Spark doesn't have the aerodynamics of a garage door. Also, as great as the 4.3 is (and I mean that sincerely), its not exactly a rev-monster.

The 4.3's forte, as you know, is a decent amount of low end torque, and an unwillingness to die. A friend of mine had an '85 G-20 cargo van with a 4.3, that burned 3 quarts of oil a week ... For years.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > shop-teacher
10/05/2014 at 23:51

Ack, don't remind me how much I have to re-correct when a strong wind hits the side of that thing. It might as well be hitting a sail.

I wouldn't know how high it revs, because I don't have a damn tach! I'm sure it's around 5,500 redline, being a derived from a V8 and all.

Decent, but still not enough to spin the wheels, which shocks me honestly. It gets SO close then hits a dead zone in the powerband or something.

My dad had a friend who ran his without oil unbeknownst to him for MONTHS. Didn't miss a beat.

GhostZ > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/05/2014 at 23:59

Truth be told, the Spark is actually a rather zippy car for how dirt cheap and simple it is. Like the early-gen Fit, it was absurdly light on tiny (high torque) tires with a narrow track and wheelbase. When your top speed is 80mph, you can easily stuff tall gearing and tiny wheels on a car to end up with 2x more relative torque to the wheels than a faster car.

People forget that a car with 6 gears that go up to 160mph, 20" wheels, and 300 ft/lbs is going to jump off the line about the same as a car with 6 gears that go up to 80mph, 105 ft/lbs, and 14" wheels, because torque at the rear wheels is the same. Considering that the Spark has a 2200lb curb weight... suddenly it makes a lot of sense.

The Spark feels like it has more usable power and agility than a similar year Camaro, that's for sure, because the Camaro's 400 ft/lbs is pretty much inaccessible, and when it is available, it has to be filtered through long gearing and massive tires.

shop-teacher > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/06/2014 at 00:01

Maybe 5500 when it was new, but I'm sure the valve springs wouldn't put up with that anymore. I'm surprised it won't spin the wheels, my S-10's would do that for days. Less weight back there though. Your trans is probably too "soft" to hit the tires hard enough. My '74 Buick was the same way, until I had the trans rebuilt (to stock specs). Now if I stay on it, she'll even chirp the tires shifting into 2nd gear.

GhostZ > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/06/2014 at 00:02

Kinja'd!!!

Also, you should totally make a GMC version of the Ford Supervan.

Newsboy > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/06/2014 at 08:37

More bad news:

"...no [electric] car outside the 60 kWh-$69,900 Model S is currently on sale that can beat the Spark EV with a 0-60 time of 7.6 seconds ."

More torque than a Ferrari 458!

Kinja'd!!!

spanfucker retire bitch > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
10/06/2014 at 09:10

Just be glad you didn't do the comparison to a Spark EV.

While the Spark EV's electric motor generates a very respectable 130 horsepower, it blasts 400 lb.-ft. of torque. The now-hot hatch can go from 0 to 60 mph in less than eight seconds.